When our dead lie before us, when we are surrounded by mourning and suffering families, when Israel is downtrodden and weary – many couples have difficulty deciding whether it is proper to continue the journey towards the family covenant: whether at the initial stages of dating regarding the decision of whether to continue seeing each other; whether at the engagement stage and debating whether it is appropriate to joyfully propose at this time; whether about to be married and deciding if the wedding should be deferred.
Date. Get engaged. Get married. This is our foundational position. Halacha recognizes these overwhelming sensations and the contradictions between them. It rules that mourners make the blessing of “blessed is the True Judge,” however if their deceased loved one left them a large inheritance, at the same time they bless “the One who is Good and Improves.” This is one of many examples which teach us about our capacity to exist with two contradicting psychological perspectives – to mourn emphatically while at the same time pay attention to other aspects of life. A question in and of itself is the marriage of an active IDF soldier who is heading into battle. We will deal with this separately.
All the more so when dealing with the situation we are currently in. The evil enemy wishes to murder as many of us as possible – but not this alone. They wish to destroy our way of life, to break down our national resilience, to make our lives unlivable in this unique and holy land and do anything to uproot our existence. Any action that opposes this represents a part of Israel’s triumph, and every establishment of a new household counteracts their abominable goals. The marriage covenant touches on eternity, and even though at its core it is an intimate matter between partners – it is another chain in the flourishing of the Jewish nation and the great journey we are venturing down, from the very first command of “Lech Lecha”. The numerous pictures of engagements and weddings at the mobilization sites only strengthens this position.
Of course, one cannot act as usual. Of course, one should remember that there are families in pain and suffering next to us and we all are in a time of sorrow. One must act with modesty, sensitivity, caution, and inclusion. We are never permitted to express our celebratory joy when we can steamroll the terrible pain of others. In this manner, it is possible to ignore other less important factors, such as the desire for a large hall or inclusion of all of one’s friends, etc. These pillars are the most paramount principle that is brought in this article.
We bless all that move forward towards marriage that they merit to build a binyan adei ad with joy and happiness, love, companionship, peace, and affection, and may they bring light to the special darkness that we are currently in, and their joy should be part of our flourishing from suffering and from the great light which we wish to bring to the world.
