So says our Sages: “… rather a person should be distressed along with the public, for we find regarding Moshe Rabbeinu that he was distressed along with the public, as it is written ‘and Moshe’s hands were heavy, and they took a rock and placed it under him and he sat on it’ – did Moshe not have a pillow or mat to sit on? Rather Moshe said this: since Israel is found in suffering – so too I will be with them in suffering. And anyone who allows themselves to be distressed with the public will merit seeing the comforting of the public. Perhaps man may say who will testify for me [that I am truly suffering]? The stones and walls of one’s house testify for him, as it is stated ‘for a stone shall cry out from the wall and a rafter shall answer it from the woodwork’. The Academy of Rebbe Shila said: the two ministering angels that accompany man testify for him, as is stated ‘for He will order His angels for you’; Rebbe Chidka says: a person’s soul testifies for him, as is stated ‘Be guarded in speech with that which lies in your bosom’; and there are those who say: man’s organs testify for him, as is stated ‘you are my witnesses, the word of God…” (Taanit 11a).
Does collective suffering, which trickles down to the finest heartstrings of each person with an open and sensitive soul – call on us to stop everything entirely? Is it proper at this time for us not to take part in any joy of any kind? Do the words of the Sages provide us with instruction to extinguish all light that is not part of the war camp? Let us assess this issue in a more focused manner: in this time, is there room to go on dates? To get engaged? To get married?
For four reasons it would be proper not only to continue, but with greater force: first is that establishing a household in Israel touches on the eternal, and temporary matters understandably influence our eternal timeline, but do not take control of it. When a man full of goodness departs from their lonely state, moving towards and clinging to a woman to become of one flesh, he is engaged in the most complete interaction in the world, both from the side of connection and bounty and from the ramifications maintaining the world and multiplying within it. The triumph of the eternal over the temporary is expressed in this continuity as well.
Second is the dimension of victory that exists in this continuity. Our enemies wish to destroy us – and we build; our enemies wish to upend our world of vitality – and we allow it to flourish; our enemies wish for us only to engage in keeping ourselves alive – and we work on our souls; our enemies wish for our extermination – and on their fury and anger we build and lay foundations.
Third is the resolve that this gives to soldiers. At times of war, it is proper to act in light of a fundamental criterion: are we strengthening or weakening our morale? It is not easy to be a soldier who risks his life, a mother who has been left alone at home for weeks on end, worried parents, etc. It is also difficult to see others continue as normal. However, the opposite is also true – the very fact that others are solidifying their lives provides strength and resolve to soldiers so that all this is possible.
And fourth is the need for all of us to be happy, to delight, and engage in avenues that illuminate our lives. In order for us not to sink into depression; for us not to collapse; Avraham Avinu eulogizes Sarah in our parsha, his beloved wife who accompanied him for almost a hundred years, and he cries over her. At the same time, he rose from his mourning, purchased the first plot of land in Israel and acts in order to marry his son, after being confronted with the possibility he would not live following the Akeidah story. This is how we build through the strength of crisis.
It is obvious that one cannot do this according to the aforementioned path. We are currently at war, and even more so – the shock of war should upend many aspects of our lives. One should primarily watch out for externalization, for apathy, for not focusing on the terrible pain that others carry in their bodies and souls at this time. This also allows us to build a deeper connection which is rooted in the internal and not the external. It is possible that one should consider continuing to the point of a wedding yet defer it – not because of a desire for a specific hall or hundreds of guests, but because of everyone who has departed for a war of the House of David. There are various considerations one should weigh; however, we cannot let these factors limit and restrict, constrict and silence the connection with the eternal, together with sensitivity and delicate consideration, careful planning and deep connection to the suffering of the public and the individual.
