“Whoever raises a hand against his fellow human can be labeled as a wicked person” – This teaching from the sages sits at the forefront of the many sources throughout Jewish thought and literature, creating a fundamental ethos against violence. The sages emphasized that it is not only about physically striking the other, but even about raising one’s hand against another, i.e., threatening with violence. Such an individual who uses intimidation or harassment to terrorize another, that person is called wicked.
The positive formulation of this principle is rooted in the words of Hillel the Elder, which he referred to as the entire Torah in one sentence: “What is hateful to you, do not do to the other.” Similarly, nearly every Jewish child can quote the words of Rabbi Akiva: “Love your neighbor as you would love yourself. This is the great principle in the Torah.”
The prophets highlighted the duty and responsibility we have towards the stranger, the orphan, and the widow, who represented the “less visible,” often disadvantaged segments of ancient society. When we seek to emulate the direction forged by those prophets, we know that we must identity, recognize and empathize with the more vulnerable and that violence towards them, or anyone, is never condoned.
Therefore, today, the Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women aligns perfectly with the moral path of the Torah, and in fact, there is a need to expand this to all victims of violence — regardless of gender. Protecting women should be the starting point, but the actions of protection should extend to other victims as well.
This is even before we address sexual violence, which is of course a more severe form of gender-based violence, and a scourge against which we must never let up our fight.
As religious leaders, we are also compelled to dismiss erroneous views that are too-often associated with religion and can tragically be used to condone gender-based harassment or violence. Specifically, there are those who interpret Jewish law in a way whereby the halachot surrounding marriage and divorce might indicate a sort of masculine ownership of the husband over his wife.
The tragic, and completely false, takeaway from this misinterpretation is that a man has a right to control his wife- or God forbid even harm her physically or emotionally. I again stress that this is a grave misreading of the intent of halacha and must be rooted completely out of any place in our Jewish society.
Painfully, we know there are even victims of violence who believe that their victimhood is ordained from Heaven as some sort of “lesson” that they need to internalize in order to change their ways. This is nothing less than a complete distortion of how we as Jews are meant to understand our relationship to faith. The only one who must change their ways is the aggressor, and the responsibility lies completely with them.
We are also forced to contend with an often-cited view that Judaism commands a woman to honor her husband as the “master of the house.” While honor between spouses is a commendable and even treasured aspect of any relationship, true love mandates that honor be born out of mutual respect and never fear or an obligation to “obey” the whims of the other. Creating healthy relationships demands we oppose any notion of “obedience,” and instead ensure that spouses recognize both the needs and weaknesses of the other to build stronger and more cohesive relationships.
On this day and all days, we must remember that any “power” we have been given by God, whether it be physical, emotional or financial must be used for the positive but never in a way that serves to dominate another person.
The more we focus on the qualities of listening, empathy and respect for the other, the more we will be blessed with a society where violence is not tolerated.
When we accept this responsibility, we can accept that we are doing what is necessary to address the scourge of gender-based violence. And by combining the traditional Jewish understandings of humanity and morality — while dismissing the perversions thereof- we will be moving ever closer to building a world where relationships can thrive on balance, where violence and harassment will have no place.
