My Husband is Always on His Phone: What Can I Do?

Question:

Hello Honorable Rabbi and thank you very much. There is something that bothers me a lot in married life – the time and relationship of my husband with his phone. He can sit for the entire day without lifting his eyes from the screen. This is an issue that has been brought up in the past that almost led to separation even after an attempt to go to therapy. It is difficult for me to think that this is addiction, but perhaps this is a possibility? How can I determine if this is an addiction and how much to act? Or another way for me to see hope in life with him… because all of this causes me to feel more distant every day as if he committed his life to his phone and not me… I will add that this is something that he struggled with for many more years than we have been together, and he is aware of the problem, but does not act. Thank you very much, I appreciate your help.

Answer:

Hello,

This is the time to go to couples therapy.

This is the time to open these gates.

It is possible that he is addicted.

It is possible that he is blind to the significance of a marital relationship.

It is possible that you haven’t yet found the way to extract him from there.

But it cannot go on like this.

For you yourself wrote this – you are losing hope, and when hope doesn’t exist, the possibility is locked away.

Therefore, 

Reach an agreement to go together and put in the effort.

It is possible that this could really bring out the best.

All the best and a joyous and harmonious marriage,
Yuval Cherlow
Rabbi Cherlow is the Head of Ethics at the Tzohar Rabbis Organization

For additional reading:

  • Honoring Parents and Sharing with Your Fiancé
  • My Wife Wants to Recycle and In My Opinion It is Useless. Who is Right?

This responsa was first published on Kipa website.

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