Hello,
This is a delicate and sensitive question which touches upon a few topics in morality, humanity, and halacha.
With complex issues such as these it is important to begin the discussion with the foundations: man has free will, and we must honor it. An inseparable part of this is the basic obligation to tell him the truth unless there are significant justifications to mislead him. We write about this here with a referral to the words of Rabbi Prof. Steinberg, who we agree with wholeheartedly. The obligation to do this is strengthened by the fact that we are unsure that this is the best option for him, and due to the general obligation to be a man of truth.
Yet, in the case we are discussing now there are two points that obligate us to evaluate if one may deviate from the starting assumption:’
1. It is unclear if he is indeed able to make decisions, and if telling the truth really encourages him to do so. Halachic authorities write that when there is a possibility that telling the truth to a patient will significantly endanger their condition – one should not follow this principle.
2.The one who ‘pays the price’ for the decisions surrounding your father is your mother. The burden on her is very heavy, and when dealing with your father’s honor at your mother’s expense, it is improper to thrust such a difficult task on her. If one of the brothers would take him to his house (with the assumption that this would be good for your father), this factor would be less important, however in the situation you are describing it is difficult to understand how one may force this obligation on your mother.
Therefore, the unique situation permits presenting your father with a false narrative, if this is the only way to act. The sources for this permit are found in the essay ‘Distance Yourself from Falsehood’, and it is possible to read just the conclusions at the end of the article.
All the best,
Rabbi Yuval Cherlow,
Head of the Tzohar Ethics Center
