I am Tired of Faking Belief: What Should One Do When the Heavens are Sealed?

Question:

Hello Rabbi, I am an 11th grade student after a difficult year socially and psychologically, where a friend who was like a sister to me betrayed me. This entire year I have tried to stay strong, pray, and repeat over and over to myself that “it is all for the best” – but the situation has not changed. I feel worn out, sad, and that I am faking functionality on the outside. It is hard for me to stay a believer when the heavens are sealed. What is the boundary between putting in effort to keep faith and hope and the tendency to push aside the true pain and despair that I am feeling on the inside?

Hello,

First, I would like to empathize with you on the journey you have been on this year. You describe going through a period that is not simple and full of distress, and it is good to know that there are people who want the best for you and for you to experience shining light that illuminates you.

I want to offer you a different path that perhaps might help you in the situation you are in.

The great ones in Tanach chose a different path than saying “everything is for the best”.

When it is painful – it is painful. We do not conceal this from ourselves.

And when they felt pain, they first and foremost cried out. The pain.

I recommend reading about this through the following links: link 1, link 2

Therefore, before anything else, you are allowed to feel the pain, you are allowed to feel the suffering over what happened, and even be hurt.

And after you accept yourself and your feelings,

Then turn to the search for change and a way up. For if you ignore what you are truly feeling – you will have a harder time climbing.

And through this –

See the situation you are in now – as an opportunity.

What rejuvenated you until now – has taken its course.

On the other hand – it is not advisable to wait until you finish school and move on. It is a shame to waste the time. Not only this, but it can lead to missing the opportunity you have now.

The opportunity is vast. Both in the interpersonal domain, in other words: to connect with another friend, to listen to others, to be a partner in the pain of others, to bring light to others. Specifically because you know how difficult the feeling of loneliness is – you can see it as your task to redeem others from this situation, and perhaps even discover that this makes you feel better.

So too with God.

Choose one or two mitzvot that you haven’t reflected on prior.

Search for a new path through them.

So too with prayer. There are so many things that can provide an opening for prayer.

You should perhaps become familiar with this wonderful book: link to the book “Tikon Tefilati”, which has “prayer exercises”.

In this way, you are taking advantage of the opportunity that have now.

And if this doesn’t work – please write back, and we will search for new paths.

All the best and much happiness,

Yuval Cherlow

Head of the Tzohar Ethics Center