Hello,
As background to this answer, I encourage you to read the in-depth article on this topic, available on the Tzohar Ethics website, where the fundamental sources for this discussion are explained.
The core principle is that the responsibility for raising your children lies with you, and the approach you take should be what you believe is best.
From a halakhic perspective, parents do not have authority over how their children raise their own offspring. This is also a principle that educational and psychological professionals generally agree upon, as parental interference in such matters can often be harmful.
Therefore, you are not obligated to obey your parents in this regard. However, it is wise to listen to their advice and carefully consider their perspective, as it is written:
“It is better to listen to the rebuke of a wise person than to hear the song of fools.”
Still, their words should be regarded as advice, not as a halakhic obligation to comply.
Of course, the way to approach this disagreement should not involve anger—
“Do not be quick to anger, for anger resides in the bosom of fools.”
Nor should it, God forbid, involve disrespect. The best course of action is to politely express that this is the way you believe your children should be raised, and kindly ask for their acceptance of your decision.
Wishing you peace and harmony in your home,
Yuval Cherlow
Rabbi Cherlow is the Head of the Ethics Department at the Tzohar Rabbinical Organization.
