Hello and blessings,
I completely understand your feelings.
When there has been a significant offense, the Shulchan Aruch states that one should go to the grave with a group of ten people and ask for forgiveness.
However, in cases where the relationship was not perfect but there was no serious wrongdoing, it seems that the best approach is to do something positive in his memory. One meaningful way to honor him could be, for example, to commit to always answering calls promptly or to engage in some other action that strengthens good relationships between people. In this way, from the weight of your feelings, something good can emerge—one that increases love and connection among people in his memory, thereby fostering goodness.
Would you be able to take this approach?
All the best,
Yuval Cherlow
Rabbi Cherlow is the Head of the Ethics Department at the Tzohar Rabbinical Organization
For Additional Reading:
- Is It Permissible to Stop Treatment for a Terminally Ill Patient to Prevent Suffering?
- End-of-Life Decisions – Halachic and Ethical Guidance for Patients and Their Families
