The topic you are dealing with is very delicate and sensitive.
I will answer briefly, and if there are more questions or a desire to learn more – I am happy to expand:
- As long as your father has not appointed one of you as responsible for his wellbeing – you must truly come to the decision together. Despite the disagreements between you – it is best that you make every effort to reach a conclusion, where each one of you tries to go as far as you can in the opposite direction, with constant awareness that the issue before you is the wellbeing of your dear father. The reason for this is both for him – a united family generally makes better decisions – and for yourselves – in order that you don’t pull away from each other, something that will cause significant damage in the long-term, full of pangs of conscience and hostility, chas veshalom.
- Even abstaining from treatment is a decision. Therefore, continue to speak with each other, consult with institutions which understand the field, and as stated – try to reach a decision together. We at “Tzohar” have a special project known as “Tzohar Ad 120” where a rabbi and caretaker meet with families in the situation you are in, and together create the best path for your father.
- Regarding decisions not to ventilate or perform CPR – it is highly advised to utilize this special team. They are experts in the field and can create the most proper plan together with you, as stated – based on deep awareness that the most important thing is the wellbeing of your father.
All the best and much health,
Rabbi Yuval Cherlow,
Head of the Tzohar Ethics Center
For Additional Reading:
- Who Must Pay for a Parent’s Nursing Home?
- Our Parents Asked Not to Agree to Artificial Nutrition if the Need Arises, and the Rabbi Said it is Prohibited. What Should We Do?
- Between Parents and Children – Honor and Independence
