To give up or to celebrate – this question accompanies us throughout these days, especially at the pinnacle of the holiday of Channukah, when lighting the eighth candle. Of course this applies when dealing with family celebrations or normal life for a couple or loving family.
On the one hand, our internal sensations encourage us to give up – these are difficult times for everyone, mourning families are present in our neighbourhoods, the injured and the psychologically scarred carry their pain, business is collapsing, and the pain is very great. Not only this, but even on the spiritual plane our Sages spoke of the great importance of participating int the pain of the community: “… many should experience sorrow with the community, for we see that Moshe Rabbeinu suffered with the public, as it is stated ‘and Moshe’s hands were heavy and they took a rock and placed it under him and he sat on it’ – did Moshe not have one pillow or cloth to sit on? Rather, this is what Moshe said: since Israel is in suffering – I will also be with them in suffering…” (Taanit 11a).
Even at the other end there are heavy factors. Descending into mourning, the murkiness of life, and nullifying the joy of the holidays – is a victory for the enemy, for this is their goal. Not only this, but the resilience of life and its delights provide strength for us to stand against this complex and painful reality and allows us to support one another. In life itself we come close to victory – whether by holiday joy; our joy in our relationship, in our psychological wellbeing and in our interpersonal relationships; whether by wedding, etc.
Chuppah Alongside Prayer for Peace in Israel and for the Wellbeing of the Soldiers
What then should we do? There are a variety of ways to express both sides. First, in our consciousness – Halacha determines that when a family member passes away we bless the True Judge in the moment we confront the pain, while we bless God for constantly improving our wellbeing when we get a large inheritance, ideas that teach us that we can practically experience life with two different psychological paths together. It is prohibited to be sealed off to all the pain that surrounds us, and it would not be correct to bind ourselves to an atmosphere of sadness and to build walls around ourselves.
Even practically, one can differentiate between a lack of public sensitivity and support and matters in private. It is proper to celebrate Channukah even nowadays, and similarly it is proper to live family life both towards our partner and our children, and this is not against the expression of our distress practically. One can do things with greater modesty, for internal matters within a family, etc. Sometimes one can bring both sides out in one action – for example, I have not seen one chuppah in these times that hasn’t included a prayer for peace in Israel, wellbeing of the soldiers, return of the hostages, and encouraging resilience for those who are struggling.
Specifically at this time we are called upon to strengthen both aspects. We cannot alienate ourselves by being distant and aloof or disconnect ourselves from the public’s struggles; alongside this, we must strengthen our souls with the joy that exists in life, faith, connection to life’s eternal aspects, bettering the relationships we have with our partners and families, and in all matters that illuminate God’s world. The original blessing “the maker of light and creator of evil” directed at God, draws on the world of the blesser – us. We recognize the creation of evil that is ever-present in our world with far reaches; we recognize the shining light and existing light in reality, and we are connected to both and live in each of them together.
